You’ve done the soul-searching, the time apart, dated some other people who bored or annoyed you to the verge of death… and you’ve finally realized that things with your ex weren’t all that bad. You made a huge mistake when you let them go. And now, you want them back.

It’s not necessarily too late to rekindle the love with your ex, BUT don’t be rash and make any abrasive mediocre moves. Do it right—and reengage with caution.

I miss you textText: Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder—but other times, it causes that heart to seek out another . So, don’t call first. Try sending a sweet, sincere text. Think of something that you shared together that might warm their heart.  Example: “Was listening to the radio and heard that I-Octane song. Got me “Missing You Like Crazy”. Hope you’re doing great”. If you receive an equally open response, you have an opening.

keep-calm-and-slow-down-23Take It Slow: You’ve gotten to the point of dialogue, but that doesn’t mean you get to go from zero to sixty in zero seconds.  I shouldn’t need to say this, but, as it is a very alien concept to some; BE VERY RESPECTFUL.  Don’t be pushy about getting back together.  Respect your exes pace, pushiness to get back together as if nothing had transpired is a big red flag in my book.  Everything is just going to resume where it ended.  Including why you left them in the first place.

[youtube id=”fWNaR-rxAic” align=”left” maxwidth=”400″]Call, Maybe?: So far, so good? Great. Suggest a casual date by phone. Not texts. Not email. Speak to them directly so your voice and hopefully your sincerity will register.   Opt for a casual daytime date. This will give you the chance to get together in a relaxed environment, without too much pressure.  Remember, accepting your invite is just that—accepting an invite and not a sure sign they want to get back together. If your invitation is declined, give them space. Don’t beg, cry, or stalk them.  If it’s meant to be, they’ll come around on their own time-table. On the date,  you don’t need to talk about everything that went wrong in the relationship. They know, you know—keep the conversation light.

no-excusesOwn Up: If your ex seems open, and you want to step up for another corner kick, acknowledge your shortcomings. If you did something hurtful, make a real apology.  No matter what they did, you need to take responsibility for you—and change.

 

pastAvoid Reliving The Past: After you’ve acknowledged the problem, look ahead. Don’t live on memory lane and rehash all the things you thought were wrong with the relationship or them.  Focus on the positive qualities that brought you together in the first place, like that crazy sense of humor, their kindness etcetc.

r-COUPLE-ARGUINGDon’t Compare Notes:  You both went on with your lives while you were apart, and even if one of you went on ice, and the other was living la vida loca;  it doesn’t need to be discussed. You do not need to talk about what went down during your time apart.  Don’t ask, and don’t tell. She doesn’t need to hear about all the new pumpum you had; and he doesn’t need to hear about how Big John really has a Big John.  If you’re insistent on knowing?  You have issues.

[youtube id=”4m1EFMoRFvY” align=”left” maxwidth=”400″]Put A Ring On It: Relax. This advice isn’t for everyone. But if you’ve searched hills and valleys and are absolutely positive that they are the one.  This is the ultimate move.  Most times, the breakup is about commitment issues, so have to address them.  And, even if you’re not ready for the ring, there’s a lesson here.  You have to step it up and have a plan for the relationship. Period. A goalless relationship is pointless.